My rant
February 19, 2008 by weedivine
Thanks to this letter, I’ve really started to think about how much I sit back and make the guys in my life NOT accountable at all for their attitudes towards attractiveness and beauty, not to mention general respect for women. Internalized oppression anyone? Its like a black woman in one of my classes put it, “you end up comforting the white person that THEY’RE not bad, its just all the other white people.” No, no, of course you’re not bad and sexist! Its just all the other men out there….
*DISCLAIMER* This is a rant, this is for the purpose of getting all my anger frustration, etc out. Of course, in even writing this disclaimer I’m trying to temper and explain my anger, which really shouldn’t need any of that considering the state of the world. But I do realize that me putting my anger out isn’t productive in a movement or in change, but it is in the exercise of putting out there that women have a right to emotions, to speak, to be respected. If you take this personally, I’m sorry, its not you, its not really your fault- if you have a hard time reading this its because of stuff you believe, not about feminism. *****
1) I am tired of objecting to anything on television (in even the slightest, meekest, way) and having you role your eyes and tell me in some way you think is cute, witty or funny, that I’m being oversensitive. YES the way the fat black women character is used is offensive. No you dolt, its not because fat black women offend me. Yes, the way women are valued first and foremost for their beauty and fuckability is offensive. Yes, making fun of women who you think aren’t either of those things is offensive. Congratulations! You have the right, and the ability to defend misogyny and idiocy that tears people down! I’m glad you’re exercising that right.
2) You want ME to explain to YOU why the majority of stuff is racism, sexist, rude, or generally just super lame? Guess what buddy, you seem to have a wonderful grasp on why its not ok to go around tapping guys in the balls during sporting events, but I still have to explain why treating people with decency no matter their physical anatomy is important? Because I’m pretty sure that using your logic about why women are weak and inferior, I could make a great argument for why we should never let violent, crazy, rapist, men with externally and vulnerably located genitalia, out of the house. Do I believe that? Uh, hell no, but if those are the rules you want to play by then you better figure out a reason why you’re so damn infallible.
3) Telling me that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show is fun to watch because the girls are hot, what’s wrong with watching hot girls, does not excuse all the shit that it represents. Fine, watch the damn show, but you gotta know what’s actually going on. And yes, you are sexist. And no, I don’t hate the models and I am not jealous of them. If I believed all the lies that our SEXIST world tells us about women’s worth, then yes I would be. But I don’t.
4) Telling me what a feminist is, that’s none of your business, nor your expertise. I can be a stripper and be a feminist, I could sleep with 10 guys a week, I can wear short skirts, I can wear make-up. Or I could not shave my legs, be a virgin, and vote for a southern baptist. Leave my personal behavior out of this, I am not here for you to evaluate as some representation of feminism. I am a person. I first claim the right to live my life, not simply to resist your system. And that includes watching the VS fashion show, I can do what I damn please.
5) No I’m not sexist. I can certainly act in sexist ways, or perform sexism, but guess what…. I have no power behind my actions that is MINE as a woman. So next time you feed me some line about how girls are way meaner than guys to girls, go look at rape statistics and SHUT THE HELL UP. Stop pointing fingers at girls, and take a look at your own messed up ideas.
6) No, feminism is not encroaching upon your individuality or manhood. If the only way you know how to be is through sexist actions, then I’m sorry to tell you that your individual ideas are a bunch of social constructions. Giselle is hot? Well I’m so glad you think that something really unique and deep inside you came up with that, and I’m certainly happy to hear that it reflects something that you believe is personal, but…. you and 150 million other guys across the US think that. So while that might make you “right” and safe, it does not mean your are an individual with special ideas. So quit telling me you have these special things, and please stop telling me I’m attacking you personally. The same goes for pretty much everything else you think defines you as a man. I’m not attacking you, I’m saying that the system that has taught you this version of manhood is pretty damn scary. So please, don’t confuse yourself with the ideas you’ve been fed.
And if you really want to tell me that I can’t take Giselle away from you, don’t worry, feminism isn’t about bashing you, we’d just like it if you took some personal responsibility every once in a while, and perhaps listened without getting your ego all bent out of shape.
i totally get this. no need to apologize for ranting. my husband — a guy who is, i would say, more liberal than most, and very proud of me for the things i do in life/career, and very disgusted with overt displays of sexism in the media and from other men — still makes comments from time to time. usually it’s fat-bashing, which he is slowly learning to quit, but it’s hard because his mother is Queen McFatBash so he grew up with it. but because i’m not fat, he has a hard time seeing sometimes why i get so offended. he doesn’t do it much anymore, but the other day we were walking somewhere and these two women walked past us eating ice cream cones. they were fat and they were not what society considers attractive, AND they had the nerve to eat in public (gasp!). my husband said “oh gross” under his breath when we were approaching them. he had his arm around me at the time and i shrugged it off and gave him a dirty look. he got really defensive, but i told him that he couldn’t expect to make shitty comments about other women’s appearance and still expect me to walk along swinging his hand saying “uh huh, honey, uh huh, yup, you’re so right!! giggle!”
so anyway, i see nothing wrong with calling out your husband or any other guy in your life when they act like pigs. the reason they act like that is because nobody ever told them to shut the f’up.